Happy New Year!!! The day is 1 January 2007, and whilst everybody is celebrating the new year, I just lost my second baby (:... Mr Ababe and I were quite devastated given the fact that I only carried the baby for 3 months. It's been 3 years since Ababe Jr was born so we were quite excited. However fate would have been that my beloved baby was borrowed to us for only that short but sweet 12 weeks... Till we meet again my love...
The day is 13 March 2010, again another 3 years have passed. Imagine the joy and happiness we went through when again I was confirmed pregnant. Ababe Jr is exactly 5 years and 3 months today. He is bigger now and much wiser. He understood that I was carrying a baby in my tummy, so he kisses my tummy everyday and calls the baby, Baby Rainbow... Another 'R' in the family. He says I should be named The Rock or Hard Rock! He loves looking at the ultrasound pics...
Due to my past experience, I am more careful this time and actually quite wary during this early stages. My second check up with the doctor is on 14 April 2010. The sac was there but my baby... I think there was no heartbeat and is not growing. But the doctor didn't confirm any of these. He said to give the baby another week and we'll see again. Maybe the baby is too small or my skin is too thick.. Somehow deep in my heart I knew that I'm losing Baby Rainbow... No way can my baby be small or my skin too thick..
21 April 2010, my eldest sister's birthday and probably one of the saddest days in my life.. The doctor has confirmed that yes, Baby Rainbow has stopped growing.. Tears flow freely for both Mr Ababe and me.. Ababe Jr kept asking why were our eyes red and there were water near our eyes..Ababe Jr didn't understand any of this. He was still excited about Baby Rainbow's picture and it took all my self control not to cry my heart out in front of him.
That night putting him to bed, I told him that Baby Rainbow has gone to be with Allah and will be staying in heaven. One day we will all be able to meet Baby Number 2 and Baby Rainbow.. He looked happy when I said this.
Ababe Jr : We will all meet Baby Rainbow?
Mummy : Yes, everybody.
Ababe Jr : Including Acid? (his cousin)
Mummy : Yes, including Acid.
Ababe Jr : Acid must be happy cos he doesn't want to look after Baby Rainbow.
Mummy : Maybe
Ababe Jr : After Baby Rainbow comes out of your tummy you will be slim again.
Mummy : Yeah, probably (ya right!)
Ababe Jr : I love you Mummy and Baby Rainbow.
Mummy : We love you too...
Sigh, it was so easy to explain to a 5 year old when it is so hard for my own self to understand.. But I realised quickly that I should be truly grateful.. Suddenly I was surrounded by comforting words, wisdom, tips and doas from beloved family members and truly great and wonderful friends. I am truly blessed. I have a great family, I have a wonderful and supportive husband and I have an extraordinary matured son. I was also reminded of those who lost their babies at a later stage and I know that I should be grateful that I lost my babies at the earlier stage. I do not want to even think what I will be like if I lost my babies at a later stage or worse after they were born.. Allah loaned them to me for a few short weeks to remind me of the wonderful experience of being a mother and Allah took them back to remind me to be thankful with what I have.. Maybe I have forgotten...
23 April 2010, Baby Rainbow came out of my womb naturally...
So I am writing this in my blog so that I won't forget. This is for all the women out there who have given birth to healthy and unhealthy babies, who have never had the chance of carrying a baby, who have had miscarriages and haven't stopped trying, who have lost and buried their babies... know it in your hearts that my heart is with all of you.. Let's be thankful that we have been blessed, let's keep our hearts and love opened to all, let's believe that there's always treasure at the end of the rainbow...
~ Mrs Ababe ~
(The picture above was taken when Baby Rainbow was about 6 weeks old..)
The day is 13 March 2010, again another 3 years have passed. Imagine the joy and happiness we went through when again I was confirmed pregnant. Ababe Jr is exactly 5 years and 3 months today. He is bigger now and much wiser. He understood that I was carrying a baby in my tummy, so he kisses my tummy everyday and calls the baby, Baby Rainbow... Another 'R' in the family. He says I should be named The Rock or Hard Rock! He loves looking at the ultrasound pics...
Due to my past experience, I am more careful this time and actually quite wary during this early stages. My second check up with the doctor is on 14 April 2010. The sac was there but my baby... I think there was no heartbeat and is not growing. But the doctor didn't confirm any of these. He said to give the baby another week and we'll see again. Maybe the baby is too small or my skin is too thick.. Somehow deep in my heart I knew that I'm losing Baby Rainbow... No way can my baby be small or my skin too thick..
21 April 2010, my eldest sister's birthday and probably one of the saddest days in my life.. The doctor has confirmed that yes, Baby Rainbow has stopped growing.. Tears flow freely for both Mr Ababe and me.. Ababe Jr kept asking why were our eyes red and there were water near our eyes..Ababe Jr didn't understand any of this. He was still excited about Baby Rainbow's picture and it took all my self control not to cry my heart out in front of him.
That night putting him to bed, I told him that Baby Rainbow has gone to be with Allah and will be staying in heaven. One day we will all be able to meet Baby Number 2 and Baby Rainbow.. He looked happy when I said this.
Ababe Jr : We will all meet Baby Rainbow?
Mummy : Yes, everybody.
Ababe Jr : Including Acid? (his cousin)
Mummy : Yes, including Acid.
Ababe Jr : Acid must be happy cos he doesn't want to look after Baby Rainbow.
Mummy : Maybe
Ababe Jr : After Baby Rainbow comes out of your tummy you will be slim again.
Mummy : Yeah, probably (ya right!)
Ababe Jr : I love you Mummy and Baby Rainbow.
Mummy : We love you too...
Sigh, it was so easy to explain to a 5 year old when it is so hard for my own self to understand.. But I realised quickly that I should be truly grateful.. Suddenly I was surrounded by comforting words, wisdom, tips and doas from beloved family members and truly great and wonderful friends. I am truly blessed. I have a great family, I have a wonderful and supportive husband and I have an extraordinary matured son. I was also reminded of those who lost their babies at a later stage and I know that I should be grateful that I lost my babies at the earlier stage. I do not want to even think what I will be like if I lost my babies at a later stage or worse after they were born.. Allah loaned them to me for a few short weeks to remind me of the wonderful experience of being a mother and Allah took them back to remind me to be thankful with what I have.. Maybe I have forgotten...
23 April 2010, Baby Rainbow came out of my womb naturally...
So I am writing this in my blog so that I won't forget. This is for all the women out there who have given birth to healthy and unhealthy babies, who have never had the chance of carrying a baby, who have had miscarriages and haven't stopped trying, who have lost and buried their babies... know it in your hearts that my heart is with all of you.. Let's be thankful that we have been blessed, let's keep our hearts and love opened to all, let's believe that there's always treasure at the end of the rainbow...
~ Mrs Ababe ~
(The picture above was taken when Baby Rainbow was about 6 weeks old..)
Oh my dear my heart cries for you. I know what it is like as my baby took 7 long years to come along. Do take care of yourself and be strong. At the very least you have Ababe Jr, as some ppl do not even have the opportunity to have any children at all. In my journey of trying to conceive, I've met a lot of ppl trying to conceive and some are still struggling and with very little hope.
ReplyDeleteHugs and kisses to you and your family
I love you Maya. *tears flowing freely*
ReplyDeleteThanks dearies... I didn't open this for a long while...
ReplyDelete